Tag: work in progress

When the Hits Keep Coming – Mindset Monday

Sometimes the hits keep coming.  You’ve bobbed and weaved, tucked and rolled, maybe even landed a few punches of your own…  But the body blows keep coming.  What then?  How do you stay on your feet?  Live to fight another day, as it were.

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There’s good news and bad news, and that is: there is no magic formula.  There is no mystic ritual or self-help mumbo jumbo.  There’s just this: do the next thing; pray; breathe; rest where you can; work through what’s in front of you.  It feels like great problems or great stressors should have fancier solutions than that, but I promise you there’s no elaborate plan you’re missing that will fix your issues.

The great news about there being no magic formula is that working through hard things is within your reach.  You can do this.  It’s not impossible, and you have a very big God on your side who wants you to not only survive, but also thrive.

The hard part is that without a magic formula, there’s no way to avoid the hard work.  Sometimes it’s simple work – don’t eat all the chocolate in the house at one time no matter how you feel, maybe even exercise more than once a month – but that doesn’t make it easy.  And you know what?  It’s okay for simple work to be hard.  It happens to everyone.  I don’t know a single (honest) person who hasn’t struggled with something that felt easy to someone else.  For example, my sister is an excellent housekeeper.  I, on the other hand, will willfully ignore dirty dishes for days, and clutter is my middle name.  I fight to complete the simple work of not becoming the next subject of the “Hoarders” series.

So how do we keep our heads down and fight through the never-ending hit parade?

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Let’s take a look at the best source material I know and gain some biblical perspective.

In the book of Micah, God is speaking to his people through the prophet Micah to tell them that God was angry and sad at their disobedience and their corrupt leadership.  This particular verse is my favorite verse in the entire Bible because it sums up how we’re supposed to live as Christ followers in a single verse:

“O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

Micah 6:8 NLT

It’s simple work: do what’s right (do the next thing), love mercy (cut your people some slack), walk humbly with God (spend daily time with God and keep studying the Bible).  Sometimes it’s even easy work, but in my almost forty years of following Jesus, I have yet to arrive at the point where I get this right all the time.  But I’ll never stop trying, no matter how many times I fail.

Hebrews 12:1-2 gives us another perspective:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.”

Hebrews 12:1-2 NLT

Hebrews 11 is often called the “Hall of Faith” because it lists heroes of the faith that lived before Paul, the guy who wrote this letter to the Hebrews.  Those faith superheroes are the huge crowd of witnesses Paul is talking about in Hebrews 12:1.  He’s telling us that we can look at those people, who were far from perfect, and we can see their example of faith as encouragement to continue in our faith.  We have a race to run that God set out for each of us (so your race will look nothing like my race), and we have to learn how to run efficiently.  We need to examine our lives honestly, and gracefully, and decide what dead weight is holding us back.  We need to develop our endurance.  And Paul gives us a method to use to gain endurance: keep your eyes on Jesus.

It’s simple work: run with endurance towards God’s finish line; keep looking forward at Jesus.  It’s not easy work.  Paul doesn’t pull any punches about that either – he plainly told the Hebrews that Jesus endured a horrible death on the cross because he could see the joy of the end result.  I’m not there yet.  I can’t even stick to the don’t eat all the chocolate plan for more than a few days.  I’m certainly not at the point of discipline even to death.

So now that I’ve crushed that pep talk, let’s look at one more simple instruction designed to help us through tough work:

“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NLT

More simple work: always be joyful; never stop praying; always be thankful.  Wherever you find yourself today, no matter what body blows you’ve been taking or for how long, I promise you have something to be thankful for.  You may have to step back and take a big picture view, but if you look, you will find something for which you can be grateful and that brings you joy.  Did you know that gratitude journaling is one of the top “homework” activities therapists recommend for people being treated for depression?  It helps us gain perspective, and that prescription has been floating around for a few millennia now.

It’s also huge to note that along with joy and gratitude, we should never stop praying.  We humans were made for social connection, and God wants us to be connected to him even more than we’re connected to our social networks.  In this moment of social distancing, we never have to hold God at the recommended 6’ distance.  He wants us to always be in communication with him, and when I look at what truly soothes my anxious heart, it’s always time in prayer and reading the Bible.  Everything else I try (chocolate, I’m looking at you) is just an empty filler that doesn’t reach the root of my unease.

Those are all my best sources for how to survive and also thrive despite the craziness around you.  But maybe you’re not convinced that there is no magic formula, no elaborate ritual to make everything right.  Read 2 Kings 5.

Elisha was a great prophet for Israel, and he had a reputation for performing miracles.  In this story, Naaman, who was a very important person as the commander of the Aramean army, also had leprosy.  His king sent him to visit Elisha to be healed, and the king sent huge amounts of money as a gift to the king of Israel, ostensibly to gain access to Elisha, but probably meant to impress upon him how great the King of Aram was and how great Naaman was by extension.  They were very important people, and very important people expect very important treatment.

Elisha heard of Naaman’s approach, and he merely sent a message to go wash seven times in the Jordan River, and then he would be healed.  How do you think Naaman handled that message?  How would you have handled it?  Naaman was furious.  He expected a personal greeting – he was a very important person, after all.  He expected some herculean task, but instead all he got was a messenger telling him to go wash in a river that was inferior to all his very important rivers back home.

Naaman pitched a fit.

But Naaman’s officers talked some sense into him.  They asked, “If the prophet had told you to do something very difficult, wouldn’t you have done it?”  Oh, how I love Naaman and his raw human reactions.  He said and did everything we say and do when God gives us simple work in response to what we view as the biggest problem/pain/issue that has ever been.  We argue that simple work will not possibly be adequate to address our situation, and we pitch a fit.

I bet you pictured Naaman and his king in all of their very important person glory, and I bet you didn’t see yourself in their pride until just now.  I never see my own pride right away.  I pitch fits.

After I pitch my fit, I try to follow the rest of Naaman’s example.  Naaman listened to his officers and gained perspective.  He went and washed in the Jordan River as Elisha instructed, and he was healed.  Naaman continued his humble streak and went back to Elisha to tell him that Elisha’s God was the only true God in all the land and he would never worship another God.

Naaman went from a very important person attitude to a Micah 6:8 mindset in that experience.  God sets us on paths that are hard, and he expects us to follow him, to see the joy waiting for us on the other side and run with endurance towards it.  Endurance isn’t always fast or pretty, but it’s consistency developed over time through experiences that test our faith and our willingness to do the simple work of following God.

What simple work are you avoiding?  What is the next step you need to take in your race of endurance?

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Reframe

“My art is largely made up of my pain; re-framed, redesigned and re-purposed. It’s a mutually beneficial experience for both the creator and the beholder. Transformative healing is a beautiful process.”
― Jaeda DeWalt

1-Reframe PhotoOver and over the last few weeks, the tiny human and I have both been dealing with frustrations and quick tempers.  This morning, one of the dogs stole her cookie, and she completely fell apart.  I grabbed the box of cookies and tried to get her to keep moving to the car.  But she couldn’t yet.  She was slumped on the top porch step and bawling.  I couldn’t sit down to hug and cuddle because I was holding all of the things, and we had to get her to school and me to work.

I try to give her space to feel her feelings and then talk about them so she can learn how to accept the emotions but deal with them in truth rather than let them stand as truth.  I also recognize that there is a time and a place for everything, so we both need resiliency to be able to handle some emotional moments quickly in order to deal with the task at hand.  In this morning’s example, I had already provided a replacement cookie. (Breakfast of champions – some days we eat a healthy morning meal, some days we skip it, and some days a cookie is acceptable if it gets us out the door.  You may be a responsible adult with all your crap together, but this is reality in my life: some days you have it together, and some days you can’t find it with GPS and a homing beacon.)  I had already expressed empathy and solidarity that dogs should not steal cookies, but she was still crushed.

I responded as any mature adult would and continued down the stairs to put everything in the car, preparing to forcibly lift the tiny human and put her in the car if it came to that, muttering under my breath the whole way and questioning why God would let this happen on a morning that had otherwise been smooth sailing.  This day had tight parameters on time and things that needed to get accomplished, and I was watching it explode before it even got moving.

My counseling work of late has been about framing problems and things I want to improve in statements that are positive.  “I am stressed about work” becomes “Take a deep breath, focus, and work on the task at hand.”  I am always telling the tiny human when she gets angry and frustrated by failing to do something in her first try to slow down, take a few breaths, and try again; you have to try at least three times before you can quit.

This morning, as I finished loading the car, she stood up and started down the stairs, still crying, but moving.  I told her that it’s fine to be mad at the dog, but she’d miss out on the replacement cookie – worse, she’d choke on it – if she kept up the dramatic crying (it was no longer real despair, and I call her out on fake crying).  I told her we needed to rethink the problem with the dog stealing her food so we could solve the problem, and we could talk about it after school.

“But we can’t solve the problem – she already stole my cookie and ate it!”  The tiny human was still stuck.  How many times have I refused to reevaluate an issue because the situation has already spun out of control or because I don’t want to accept the facts on the ground not matching up with my expectations.

“You’re right.  We can’t fix that, but we can replace the lost cookie and then make a plan to keep the dog from stealing your food again.  We can solve the problem by making sure it doesn’t happen again.”  And then God pointed at that spot in my brain that gets stuck on past failures and said, “You see it, right?”

I’m trying to teach my child resiliency that I don’t always have a grasp on.  I’m doing the work, and I’m getting better at it, too, but I’d be a hypocrite of the worst order to tell you “this is how it’s done” after I stomped and muttered and railed at God over the tiny human’s railing at a lost cookie unless I admit that I am a work in progress.

Some days depression brain wins, some days I’m healthy and firing on all cylinders, and most days I’m somewhere in between, arguing with both truth and depression brain.  I have the most success when I reframe my thoughts.  The brilliant pattern in only using positive statements is they leave no room for the negative thought.

You are actively replacing the potential guilt/shame spiral with an affirmative.  You push out the negative by filling the space in your head with a positive action plan.

This is not the same thing as avoidance; you don’t avoid the emotional response to your circumstances.  You acknowledge the feelings, and then you apply truth and use the emotion as a cue to implement your reframing tool.  It takes repetition and practice (and SOOOOO much prayer) to make this tool a habit.  But it can become a habit and a powerful weapon in our arsenals to defeat depression brain when we keep practicing.

Another beautiful thing about reframing is that it perfectly exemplifies God’s grace.  Of course we have failed (and will continue to fail as long as we are human), but grace is forgiveness and the opportunity to try again.  Grace is room to grow.

Reframe those doubts and the thoughts of despair.  What does God really say to us about them?  Don’t settle for what the serpent would whisper in your ear and find some truth in the Bible.  Reframe the lies with his perfect love.  Reframe the pain into something beautiful.

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT

 

WIP Wednesday

It’s still *technically* Wednesday…

In an effort to share my creative journey as promised, I propose Work In Progress Wednesdays, or “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” if you prefer. Some weeks it may be sketches; some weeks may be scribbling in my poetry journal. The point is to be creating on a regular basis. If you want a safer space than online comments to share, please head over to the closed Mabbat FB group, or email me at mabbatblog@gmail.com if you want to share directly.

As a former dancer and forever ballet aficionado, I am fascinated with the lines and movement of ballerinas. Here’s where that’s taken me in my sketchbook lately.

I really love the idea of the shapes in the last one, so maybe that will turn into a painting soon.

What are you working on?