Redundant and repetitive, I know, but indulge me. We had a positive pregnancy test officially confirmed by blood work today. My hcg level was a little low, but not unusually so for such an early pregnancy – we’re only 30 days, or four weeks. I have to go back on Thursday to recheck the hcg level, so we’ll have a good idea what’s happening by Thursday afternoon. I will start immediately on blood thinner injections, which is a step further than we’ve been before. I would apologize for the mass announcement, but we really want your prayers.
We obviously need a LOT of prayer! Obviously, I want for this baby to stick, so we should definitely pray for that, but mostly, pray with me for God’s will to be done here, even if it’s not keeping this baby. Pray that I will be safe on the lovenox injections; the doctor is slightly suspicious that we might be having tubal pregnancies, which does not mix well with blood thinning medication. Pray that I will be able to give myself shots without passing out (a very real danger for me :)). Pray that I can be reasonably sane and reliant on God’s grace while we wait to see what happens in the next few days and (hopefully) weeks. Pray that if this pregnancy continues that I will be confident and peaceful instead of worried and scared. And, even if you don’t want to, pray that if this pregnancy does not continue that I will be able to handle the loss in a healthy way that will bring honor to God.
I know that I should remain positive, and I will, to the best of God’s ability through me. I don’t have any hope left in me that doesn’t come from God – not after all we’ve lost. But I do hope that this one is it and this time will be different. I hope you all understand that I want to be giddy and innocently happy to be pregnant, but it’s not that simple for me anymore; it’s an obviously mixed bag now. I will, however, happily use pregnancy as a handicapping excuse, such as telling my husband I can’t make an extra trip to the kitchen for ketchup because I’m pregnant or that he should rub my back without tickling me because I’m pregnant or that I should get to operate the remote controls because… you get the idea. I have to enjoy the perks as long as they last, and it helps me stay positive. 😉